Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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