I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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