My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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