My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
