woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
