1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
