I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
