in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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