When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
