Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
