So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
