How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MIDGETS
????
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
