apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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