I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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