Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
