Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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