I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
