In the future we'll all be gay
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
