I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
