Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
