I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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