listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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