You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
