they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
