If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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