Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
