my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
