Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
