just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
