i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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