I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
