My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
