All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
