I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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