I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
