You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
