I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
