I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
