dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
