So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
