my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
