new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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