It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
