i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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