I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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