every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
