The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
