Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
