K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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