Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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