I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My penis needs a shock collar
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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