Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
