Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
