I am puke
she woke up with a sticky ear
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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